Wednesday, 28 September 2011

You know you from Benoni when...

You know you're from Benoni when...

1. You’re sick of everyone’s Benoni jokes.

2. A new jol opens and you just know you’ll be there every week for the next six weeks.
3. The new jol closes down because of fighting 12 weeks later.

4. The lebs are omni-present.

5. A leb has called you eira, zubber, ghey or Spiderman.

6. You’ve wondered if you could be the next biggest thing to come out of Benoni.

7. Travelling to the North is never too far, but always too far for them to come to us.

8. The mine dump was the first thing you saw whenever you returned from holidays.

9. You know Benoni actually means ‘son of my sorrow’.

10. You know that Tom Jones Street is actually named after a fire chief and not the singer.

11. You’ve been to at least two Benoni High Wheels days.

12. You’ve pulled at least one Benoni High girl or boy.

13. You’ve visited the Bunny Park.

14. You’ve got drunk atop one of the castles in the Bunny Park.

15. You’ve seen catfish the size of dinosaurs at Homestead dam.

16. You’ve seen people smoking spliff at Homestead Dam.

17. You love watching the trees come to life during Spring.

18. You partied at Club 64, Tramps or Vaca Loca.

19. You’ve heard about the good times your older brother or sister had at Club 64, Tramps or Vaca Loca.

20. You know who Warren Lovell is.

21. You used to pull a zap sign at the Caltex Bunny next to Lakeside Mall.

22. You've mooned the prostitutes in the CBD late at night.

23. You've actually telephoned Jungle Cats to check prices.

24. You’ve smelled booze on the dudes that run the rides at the Benoni Carnival.

25. Someone’s called you their canoni from Benoni.

26. You’ve seen a whole lot of police men and women learning how to drive.

27. You know that the speed bumps outside Hans Moore and Northfield Methodist are in fact the meanest in SA.

28. You know exactly where - and what - the 509 is.

29. You start your sentences with Boet, or Heavy.

30. You know that it's the only place in the world where you don't have to be famous to say "Do you KNOW who I am?"

31. You move to England for a working holiday and three months later half your mates arrive to do the same.

32. You distinguish papsak by vintage and cultivar.

33. 90% of the time, you don't have to get out of your car to go the bar.

34. You know of at least two places to illegally purchase alcohol after bottle stores have closed.

35. You've hatched a plan to trick tourists into thinking that you actually live in Benonwaa, a hugely wealthy wine estate in eastern Gauteng.

36. You kind of remember R1 tequila and schnapps on the Tramps outside floor.

37. The Tramps outside floor helped define the way you still dance to house music.

38. You're able to locate scenes from Crazy Monkey: Straight outta Benoni within a 5km radius of your house.

39. You've been told more than twice not to swim in any of Benoni's dams because 'there might be dead bodies in there'.

40. You’ve been amazed at the number of fishing stories centered around Benoni’s dams.

41. You've heard about fishermen catching legendary barbel at CR Swart dam by casting out an entire chicken on a hook.

42. You've attended the Red Bull Flugtag at Homestead dam.

43. You'll be talking about the time it snowed for years to come.

44. Every time rain clouds gather, you wonder if Benoni will flood again.

45. You fondly think of the mine dump as our own Table Mountain.

46. You get angry when people think Benoni and Boksburg are the same place.

47. You know that Benoni turned 100 years old in 2008.

48. You know that Bryan Habana was born in Benoni.

49. You've spent any amount of time at Rynfield Drapers...and you always made jokes about the name.

50. You used to attend Youth Balls at the Town hall.

51. You used to party at The Warehouse in town.

52. You know that the Benoni Country Club rates in the bottom half of the Top 100 golf courses in SA.

53. You used to see or party with Vernon Koekemoer.

54. You pull into H20 in Boksburg and get an idea of what Benoni at the beach must look like.

55. You remember seeing the Christmas lights at the end of each year along the town's main roads.

56. You've shot a game of pool at Shooters, Northmead Square.

57. You kind of miss riding your bicycle in the sand works, now that Ebotse Golf Estate is completed.

58. You can look at Benoni on Google Earth and you know exactly where everything is.

59. You use Luna Plaza as a means of giving directions more than you use it for food.

60. You quote Barry Hilton constantly.

61. You've put dish washing liquid in the Lakefield fountain and either ran, cycled or drove away.

62. You know that the sport of wakeboarding in SA was pretty much born in Benoni.

63. You're about to get into a fight and you phone your friends before you phone the cops.

64. You think you're special because you didn't come from Springs.

65. You hear Charlize Theron talk about "growing up on a farm" in South Africa, but you know it's just a plot in Benoni.

66. You used to drive past the lake next to Lakeside Mall and though it looked completely dried up because of the water hyacinth.

67. You know that the best St Patrick's Day celebration for miles around happens at McGinty's at the Square.

68. You know that the world's strongest DJ, Mark Stent, comes from Benoni.

69. You know that local Benoni girl Charlene Wittstock is married to Prince Albert of Monaco.

70. Someone older has forbidden you to waterslide down the overflow tunnel that joins Homestead and Middle Lake.

71. You remember the ice creams at the Milky Lane in Benoni Town Plaza.

72. You can start a rumour and know that it'll filter right through back to you within 3 weeks.

73. You know that the Chimes Tavern is Benoni's oldest pub.

74. You know that DJ Euphonik from 5fm comes from Benoni.

75. You read the Benoni City Times avidly and always recognise at least one person mentioned.

76. You’ve made friends and lost friends, and will never ever forget your loyalty or memories.

77. You can take yourself out of Benoni, but never Benoni out of you.
Taken from the Facebook group "you know you from Benoni when..."
Big thanks!

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